Repetitive

My life is on repeat. I go through one thing and it happens again. It's sort of like I don't learn. I think I do and that it will be different, but it's not. And I still haven't learned. *rolls eyes*

Tomorrow will be hard. There's lots of things that must be done and I see tomorrow as being an emotionally draining day. I'd really love to be done with things and wash my hands clean of them.

All I have to do is make it to fall break. Then I get to go out with my parents, see Adrie, go camping, and overall just take a break from everything.

I think I might have been too harsh with Jesse tonight. I'm just not in a prying mood. If you say you hate the world and I ask what's wrong and you answer because, I can't help you. So I told him that's nice and if he can't tell me what's wrong to stop complaining about it. He followed this by signing off. I have a way with people right now.

I need new-ness. I need something worth doing. I need something I want to do. I need something to care about because I'm missing. That's it, I'm missing. I'm missing from everything and I'm missing everything and everyone.

I wish I could get off repeat and move on.

Orgasm = Orange

Funny story, thank you Malisa.

I'm bored, tired, scared, dreaming. I had a dream that scared me. I didn't like it. I don't know how I'm going to get through tonight. It could be very very difficult and if I can't get through it anyway, I'll crash at Kendra's. The only thing I can see myself doing is crashing. It's bad. I don't know what I'm going to wear. Maybe black pants and a white shirt (shut up Bryan). I'll have to check my closet.

Moving Patterns

You know when you play Guitar Hero for a really long time and then you look at something and it starts moving. And how it's so much worse if that thing is patterned, like a wall or carpet or something. I just had one of those moments on this couch. It was kind of scary.

I might take a nap before my 2 o'clock starts. Radio show tomorrow.

I wish a lot of things, a lot of the time. Here's one I wish always. I wish people were always honest. It would be so nice if people could just be honest with things as they come up and say how they feel about it. Either there is an explanation they didn't know, or I can fix it and then everyone's happy.

Seriously, that way fights would be fewer and farther between. And the fights that did happen would be way better. I know this doesn't sound like me on a usual day, but I'm emotionally worn out. I'm just done. My favorite fight happened the other night. Someone yelled at me (they were being honest, so it was ok), then I left for a little bit, then they apologized and then I fixed the problem and it's all ok. It was spectacular. I hardly had to say anything. I think it would be so nice if everyone were honest. *sigh*

Node, haha

So now I'm pissy. Which is awesome. Spectacular. I didn't get enough sleep, which is enough in and of itself to make me unhappy. Truly, just exhausted. Maybe we'll talk later.

Rape of Africa

Africa is the most tragic occurrence of the modern world. Period. I think I'm going to read a book about it.

And I think I need to pin down my thoughts on religion, spirituality, and god.

Sniffle

I'm sick and I feel exhausted. At some point, I'm sure I'll get better.

Grey Skies

Malisa bought Grey's Anatomy Season 3 today. It's amazing. I love it. I'm still on the episodes I've seen, but I love it anyway.

Tonight Malisa and I had a nice conversation about relationships. It was about a three sentence long conversation. I'm afraid of being alone, all the time. I'm independent, but I hate to be alone. There are lots of things to be afraid of. OK, that's enough of that.

I'm sure I was going to say something insightful, but all I've got today is how I hate to be alone. I spend time with Malisa, Ashley, Jesse, Bryan, girls in my house. Maybe I'm going through a people phase. I'm sure I have people and non-people phases.

I wish I knew myself better. I wish I wasn't afraid. I wish I always knew what I wanted. I wish I could always have what I wanted. I take that back, that was a lie. I do wish I could have lots of things I want.

I'm glad that I'm not a static person; that I can change. I go through changes. Even though at any one time you can't think of yourself as any different from the way you are now. I remember how I used to be but I can't think of myself as going back to that and I can't think of myself as getting any better. Of course, that's assuming that when I change it's for the better.

I used to be passive, confident, but passive. Now I'm confrontational. I feel bitchy and like I pick fights. I don't know how I feel about that.

I want to be warm and fuzzy. But it just doesn't fit with me, I wish it did. I wish a lot of things were different.

100!

Kickboxing, not that fun. I miss my gym back home. It's my favorite!

I wish I thought of insightful things all the time. I wonder if that would make me smarter or annoying. Do violent video games really have an affect on young children?

Jesse told me that I'm more cynical than he is and that's bad because it's dangerous to my health.

My least favorite U2 song is Mothers of the Disappeared. I like Exit though.

*ahhh*

I am seriously feeling really good right now. Rugby was fun. I finished my paper. Everything seems to be going very nicely and that makes me spectacularly happy! I have to watch House tonight (damn, lol). Yay for kickboxing later!

My Thumbs Work

Malisa's thumbs don't work. Well just one thumb really. We played rugby this weekend. It was fun.

So rugby might have been the highlight of my weekend since Saturday went down hill from there. Ashley and I watched House, which was nice; I love House. I was in a really big funk and not happy and not really sure why. It was one of those times when I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want to be around lots of people. In fact, I could only handle being around one person at a time. Then I got in a nice imaginary fight. Problems arise when doors are slammed.

Sunday was an improvement, minus the fact that there was no rugby, haha. I got out of Greencastle for awhile, which was nice. I feel asleep insanely early and actually got enough sleep. Crazy idea.

To Do

• post office
• Fine Print
• homework
• e-mail people

Good times.