Grey Skies

Malisa bought Grey's Anatomy Season 3 today. It's amazing. I love it. I'm still on the episodes I've seen, but I love it anyway.

Tonight Malisa and I had a nice conversation about relationships. It was about a three sentence long conversation. I'm afraid of being alone, all the time. I'm independent, but I hate to be alone. There are lots of things to be afraid of. OK, that's enough of that.

I'm sure I was going to say something insightful, but all I've got today is how I hate to be alone. I spend time with Malisa, Ashley, Jesse, Bryan, girls in my house. Maybe I'm going through a people phase. I'm sure I have people and non-people phases.

I wish I knew myself better. I wish I wasn't afraid. I wish I always knew what I wanted. I wish I could always have what I wanted. I take that back, that was a lie. I do wish I could have lots of things I want.

I'm glad that I'm not a static person; that I can change. I go through changes. Even though at any one time you can't think of yourself as any different from the way you are now. I remember how I used to be but I can't think of myself as going back to that and I can't think of myself as getting any better. Of course, that's assuming that when I change it's for the better.

I used to be passive, confident, but passive. Now I'm confrontational. I feel bitchy and like I pick fights. I don't know how I feel about that.

I want to be warm and fuzzy. But it just doesn't fit with me, I wish it did. I wish a lot of things were different.