Bad Habits

Bad things. I got in a big fight with Bryan last night. It was bad. And when I say bad, I mean I cried. I was drunk and crying...it was so very in character. But he finally got really really angry with me and that's what I wanted. I wanted to see something real, I wanted to see him feel something. Now I have the habit of looking to see if he's in his office. Which is very much like what I used to do with a previous boyfriend, although Bryan was never at that status. Obviously, I haven't changed much; looking to see if they're there and then trying to accommodate them.

I have bad habits when it comes to relationships and boys. Let's take a quick look at how the past year has gone for me:

• The boyfriend
• The conceited jerk who doesn't care
• The non-committal-can't-be-honest-with-you womanizer
• Another boyfriend
• The one that shouldn't have happened

Looking at that list, that's not a good year. I'm going to take a break for awhile. I'm going to go back to myself. Maybe I need to find more of myself. I'm going to make a list of the things that I am and the things I want to be. That's coming soon.