Hurt

Seriously, I just hurt right now. I don't know when it's going to go away. I need it to go away soon. I don't like hurting. But I just talked to Malisa for a good 45 minutes in the middle of writing this post and I think she made me feel better. I have to talk to Bryan because we (Malisa and I) don't think he realizes how much he hurt me. I don't necessarily want vengeance or anything like that. But I feel like I do want a big apology. He should have known better. I should have known better. The difference here is that I've already admitted that I should have known better and I did apologize. But I don't think I've gotten a sincere apology from him. Not just a sorry, whatever. He did that one too. He actually whatever-ed things I said about how I felt. That kind of sent me over an edge. You don't ever speak down to how someone feels!

I blew up in the first place because he called me Ed...or at least I think he did. I was walking out of the room and I swear he called me Ed. The thing with that is, when we first met, I said my name was Ed and he refused to call me Ed. He made me tell him my real name so he could call me Erin. I liked that because you can't call someone you'd like to be involved with by a nickname. Yeah...foreshadowing while I was drunk...I saw it coming.

Videogames...whole other topic. I feel like if I will these things enough to happen maybe it could happen. Even though deep down inside I know that's completely illogical and won't work. But if I can just want hard enough for them to happen, maybe they will.

So it might be that you don't understand the last paragraph, but videogames have nothing to do with the rest of the everything else. I guess ask Malisa if you don't understand, she gets it.