7/22/08

I believe it's been a month since I last made a post. Haley is here to visit, so we're at Panera while I'm "working." I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I just have been busy and I don't want to post at work because it looks like I'm not doing anything.

Once I get back to school with normal internet connection I'll post more.

6/22/08

Whew. I haven't written in a very long time. I'm suprisingly happy right now. I've been dancing a lot, which has been great. Living indenpently isn't quite what I want it to be yet. I've discovered I'm not very good at having a job and planning meals or going to farmer's markets which makes me sad. But I am good at going to art fairs, so that's something. There's just a lot to do when you live on your own, like laundry. Which I'm currently doing at my parents' house. I had to run some errands in West Lafayette anyway, so I figured I'd bring my laundry.

Yesterday I went to Adrie's for her graduation party! I can't believe it, she's married and graduated and moving to Chicago! Hopefully I'll get to see her next weekend as well. That would be nice. Sigh.

I think I'm going to head to Vienna for a bit and meet up with my mom and Deb.

long time no nothing.

dealing with an accident is much easier if you're not at fault. it especially helps when there is an emergency vehicle involved and you were following the law. good day for the most part. hoping to call jesse soon.

5/23/08

Huge break down, check.

5/18/08

Suprisingly, I'm still alive. I need to call Haley tomorrow. I haven't talked to her in over a week and it's killing me!! She's so good about calling me because I'm awful at it. I got a bed today!! Queen size. I'm so pumped! It's being delivered in Indy next week. My mom didn't want to lose any of the beds in the house. My room is the second guest room. I guess it actually does come in handy. Weird. Suddenly my parents host all these people. Oh well.

Still grappling with ugly endings. I'm attempting to remember things as a learning experience. I read last month's MarieClaire today. Tina Fey has this marvelous quote about waiting until guys learn the what the hell they're supposed to be doing. I naturally ripped it out and I will probably be putting it somewhere prominent in my life, like in my planner.

Haven't broken down yet, which I guess is really good!! I think just being home and not having school and academic pressures helped a lot. At this moment I'm really tired and I'm going to go to bed. My ass hurts from a spinning class. Fucking bike seats, so uncomfortable!

5/12/08

Thankfully, due to a successful completion of my Spanish final, I think the imminence of the break down has been delayed. At least until tomorrow. Hopefully. I feel like I studied all the right things for the final, which is awesome! Maybe I'll pull off a B. Probably not, but hey, I'm being optimistic right now. Rare, I know.

5/11/08

I haven't done anything today. I loathe my Spanish class and therefore have not studied for the final yet. I have gone to see Iron Man, gone to Plainfield for dinner, and had some fun times. While I was driving back with Ashley, everything hit me like a brick. Everything that has happened this year. I am this |.| close to a breakdown. It started in the car. I'm afraid I can't stop it. It's all hitting me. Right now. I want to go home. I want to be with my parents and I want them to tell me everything will be ok. That lost job, tumor, cancer, shitty professors, shitty academic petitions committee, losing a best friend, a supposed break-up at some point (I was unaware of this, but thought I'd throw it in), I just can't take it right now and I want to go home. I just want to be home. I can't say it enough. I knew this breakdown was going to happen. Someone told Mom that it would happen at some point. I've been waiting for it. But like so many other things, I'm so very unprepared to deal with it right now. I think I'll call Mom tomorrow. Like actually call her.

I've realized my mind operates in a future world. Very rarely I'm I in the "now." I'm usually in the 10-years-from-now. Do you ever think about your parents dying? My parents can make so many things better. When I'm sick or when I have to complain about something, if they're not here, who will I go to? I can't find better people than my parents and when I loose them, I know it will rip my heart out. And it won't be my usual pain of my heart getting uncomfortably tingly. It'll be a huge pain, like a knife pain. All the time and it doesn't get better. I hate being by myself. This is what happens when I'm by myself, all I see in my future is death and pain. Very very bad for positive thinking. On that note, maybe I'll go study Spanish.