Well, once again I have managed to put myself in an awkward and complicated situation with a guy. He's in a rocky and complex relationship with someone, but it's sort of like a relationshit. In the end, I think both parties will end up hurt and that won't even be my fault. Anyways, I did somehow manage to put myself somewhere inside this "thing." I sort of wish this wasn't published to people to actually read. Not that anyone I know would read it...haha. But I'm just afraid of putting names and such. It could fuck me over pretty bad.
Someone told me I have a nice smile and it made my night/morning. I said that I never cry, but that I was lying. I cry at Forrest Gump at the same point every time. It's when he finds out he has a son and he says that little Forrest is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
I'm upset with John and Maria. First for dating. Second for hiding it from me. I don't mind them dating, it's not as if they need my blessing, it's their lives. But I'm pretty sure that Maria doing that to me feels like a stab in the back. Please don't mind the fact that I've liked John since last Christmas...or earlier. Or the fact that we were pretty good friends. Maybe this is me being possessive and obviously jealous. John didn't like me in a dating sort of way. He would have never thought, "Oh, I'm going to go do something social, I'm going to call Erin." But he thinks of it for Maria, how sweet. urg.
But the real slap in the face comes when they tried to hide it from me. For my heart, that is truly shattering. I feel that I've always tried to not be a high-maintenance friend. I usually request one thing of the people that I call my friends: they're honest with me. Whether it's that the skirt makes me look fat or I said something that really hurt or you're dating one of my best friends, I just want honesty. Yes the truth hurts, but ignorance is not bliss. Finding out that someone tried to hide the truth from you is crushing. It's like have the air knocked out of you, but I still smile because that's what people expect from me...I'm happy and smiley. I can't cope with that. I don't think I could manage to be in the same room. Yes, it seems petty, but trust is trust. I'm pretty sure that I won't speak to John for awhile...and Maria for a longer while.
I like to say that a situation is awkward only if you make it awkward. This is one situation that I would intentionally make awkward. haha. I think they've been together since at least Thanksgiving. P.S. Of course I'm not bitter.
I really have to go clean my room, eat dinner, and think of a different arrangement for my furniture. Hasta Luego mi amor.
Someone told me I have a nice smile and it made my night/morning. I said that I never cry, but that I was lying. I cry at Forrest Gump at the same point every time. It's when he finds out he has a son and he says that little Forrest is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
I'm upset with John and Maria. First for dating. Second for hiding it from me. I don't mind them dating, it's not as if they need my blessing, it's their lives. But I'm pretty sure that Maria doing that to me feels like a stab in the back. Please don't mind the fact that I've liked John since last Christmas...or earlier. Or the fact that we were pretty good friends. Maybe this is me being possessive and obviously jealous. John didn't like me in a dating sort of way. He would have never thought, "Oh, I'm going to go do something social, I'm going to call Erin." But he thinks of it for Maria, how sweet. urg.
But the real slap in the face comes when they tried to hide it from me. For my heart, that is truly shattering. I feel that I've always tried to not be a high-maintenance friend. I usually request one thing of the people that I call my friends: they're honest with me. Whether it's that the skirt makes me look fat or I said something that really hurt or you're dating one of my best friends, I just want honesty. Yes the truth hurts, but ignorance is not bliss. Finding out that someone tried to hide the truth from you is crushing. It's like have the air knocked out of you, but I still smile because that's what people expect from me...I'm happy and smiley. I can't cope with that. I don't think I could manage to be in the same room. Yes, it seems petty, but trust is trust. I'm pretty sure that I won't speak to John for awhile...and Maria for a longer while.
I like to say that a situation is awkward only if you make it awkward. This is one situation that I would intentionally make awkward. haha. I think they've been together since at least Thanksgiving. P.S. Of course I'm not bitter.
I really have to go clean my room, eat dinner, and think of a different arrangement for my furniture. Hasta Luego mi amor.
Me and Linnea
Ebs and Steve fighting...oh boys.
Random Thoughts for the Evening:
- Forrest Gump
- Rush
- Deception and Denial
- Smooth and Sleek
- Clingy
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