Second Thoughts

Hello again online world and non-existent following. Here are my thoughts for this past week: I've enjoyed swimming this past week. I know we're on taper, but I really did like it. But the thing is that, I hated swimming before Christmas. I would call my parents in tears because I hated swimming so much. It's a huge time commitment, yet I don't know what I would do with my time if I didn't swim. My spring grades probably won't be any better than my fall grades. I take that back, I really want my spring grades to be better than my fall grades. But since things just seem to be going ok right now, it makes me think that I really do want to swim next year. Another part of me is banging its head into a wall at the thought of going through another swim season. And what am I going to do in the off season to stay in shape? And this team isn't like high school. People on this team swim for the purpose of getting faster and being really good at swimming. I want to swim for the fun of it, to stay in shape, and other non-competitive reasons. And there are some people on the team that I just don't get along with. We're civil and such, but not close. I'm not really close that many people on the team. But since I've spent so much time swimming, I haven't had any time to nurture my friendships outside of swimming and my friendships inside swimming aren't necessarily that great. So now, I just don't know what to do. And I'm kinda scared to talk to any swimmers about it, but I don't know why. I just don't really want them to know I'm not thinking about swimming...or something like that. Maybe I'll talk to my mom when she comes on the 23rd for dinner with Connie, but I don't know...arg!!

Random Thoughts for the Night:

• WinZip
• RUSH
• Roses
• Mac 'n' Cheese